So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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