I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
