I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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