i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
