Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
