You're so nebulous sometimes
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
