apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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