Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i will never coherently bang her
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
