did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
