My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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