I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
