Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
