also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just pee around me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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