i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
