Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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