someone get that fucking seahorse.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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