I puked a lego.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
