I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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