Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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