my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
