Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
