Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
