Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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