I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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