Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
