Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
