It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
