I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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