theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
