Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
