How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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