I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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