I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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