I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
