Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
