awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
