Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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