Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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