I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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