haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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