According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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