dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
