Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
