shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
