Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
