I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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