I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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