I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
