I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
