I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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