and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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