it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
