I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
