By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need water and some morals
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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