please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My vagina is very pro this idea
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
