I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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