dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
