We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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