Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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