tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
