Midget sex pt 2 tonight
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
