I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
