You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
